Stranger
12 Jul 2010 1 Comment
in Just a thought Tags: choices, Consumed, Path, Spirit, stranger, Strength, Understanding
I thought I knew you.
Now you are a stranger to me…but I’m not sorry.
The echoes are still there, remnants of the broken. The shell of the sunken ship, eaten away, reclaimed by nature, by changing tides. But the strong pieces remained, waiting to be salvaged, to see the sunlight once more.
You frightened me, fascinated me, bewildered me. How could such beauty and such darkness reside together for so long? How did the gypsy end up chained and still survive? How could you live by your heart when it was shattered beyond belief?
I still wonder, but I guess I’ll never really know. Because you don’t know.
Do you hold yourself responsible? Or me? Two sides of the same coin. Was it your choice to let the darkness take you? Or life’s?
What you were and what you wanted to be could not have been more different, but it was your blessing and your curse to be the poet. To feel it, feel it all. Magnified. Multiplied. Searing, pulsing, stabbing, numbing. Dreams, hopes, words, passion.
Two sides of the same coin. It was flipped. And now here I am, on the other side of the mirror. Smiling.
Now you are a stranger to me…but I’m not sorry.
My time
28 Jun 2010 3 Comments
in Poetry Tags: dreams, Heart, hope, inspiration, journey, light, LOVE, Poetry, Strength
I spent so long inside this mind
I’m having trouble crawling out
It’s just so strange to not be plagued
By darkened fears and choking doubt
The sun is blazing in the sky now
But I’m still running to get warm
I keep on waiting for the darkness
And can’t help bracing for the storm
No more distractions or illusions
This is my time now, just to be
To get some rest, to find some peace
To stop and breathe, to finally see
I need to let myself be happy
To know it is what I deserve
To cherish each and every moment
Learn not to fear the coming curves
I fought this battle far too long
Although I’m proud to bear these scars
But I’m not sorry that it’s over
To see the black give way to stars
I never truly thought I’d be here
It was a dream I never dared
To let myself really believe in
I was to gun-shy and scared
But here I stand, alive, inspired
So glad that I was proven wrong
A brand new page begging for words
That were inside me all along
All I asked
28 Apr 2010 24 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Ache, Alone, Consumed, doubt, fear, Longing, LOVE, Poetry, Strength, test
Please shine a light here in the dark
For I have clearly lost my way
This place is full of hidden shadows
A mind in total disarray
I can’t help feeling pure resentment
For the road that brought me here
I look ahead into the darkness
And my whole body shakes with fear
I can not see another future
Without a cold and stoney heart
Full of bitterness and envy
Placing myself a world apart
I long to sleep, I long to breathe
Without these thoughts, without the ache
Without the effort of pretending
That my whole world is not at stake
How can I learn to live the moment
To make my peace with what I own?
I have so much, I have so many….
Always surrounded, yet alone
I walk the walk, I talk the talk
I give myself, but not my all
I’ve learned to wander here among you
While still surrounded by this wall
I never asked for endless riches
I turned my back on grasping fame
I wanted poetry and love
To share my blood, to share my name
Uninvited thoughts
12 Apr 2010 9 Comments
in Poetry Tags: choices, desire, doubt, dreams, honesty, lost, Path, Strength, test
You found your way into my head
Before I knew I’d let you in
I hesitated for a moment
And you were underneath my skin
You read me like an open book
And know exactly what to say
But while I see you in my sleep
You simply smile and walk away
You know me better than I do
But still can’t see what you have done
Somehow you turned into my saviour
The only source of warmth, my sun
I shouldn’t think of you so often
I shouldn’t need to see your face
But you crept into my heart
And somehow found my secret place
Your words breed chaos in my mind
And yet I need them like the air
I could just dive into your thoughts
And spend a lifetime swimming there
You’ve made me question my whole world
You’ve made me doubt all that I know
But your holding me together
So now, how can I let you go?
Shadow
06 Apr 2010 3 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Ache, Consumed, desire, dreams, Family, fear, lost, LOVE, mask, Strength, test
I lay here silent in the dusk
Away from prying eyes and ears
I let the smile slide off my face
And I can give way to my tears
It hangs above us like a cloud
A dark dense mist that blocks our view
An evil fog of shattered dreams
That slowly eats through me and you
It hovers over as we sleep
It stalks behind us in the light
It just gets faster if we run
Getting stronger if we fight
It makes me doubt my faith in us
Can we survive this if we fail?
The thought of life under this shadow
Makes it ache to just inhale
It’s every word we never say
It’s every look we dare not share
It blows the mind and breaks the heart
No rules, no justice, nothing fair
The years are passing way too fast
Each with more bitterness and fear
The world in danger of collapsing
Cracking with each hidden tear
Behind the mask, it’s not ok
Despite our seeming joie de vie
Without this dream held in our arms
The darkness will not set us free
Survival mode
23 Feb 2010 1 Comment
in Poetry Tags: choices, desire, Heart, honesty, Life, LOVE, Selfishness, Spirit, Strength, test
Just when I find a little peace
You go and start another war
I look at you start to question
What I’m fighting so hard for?
Please don’t assume I will just settle
If it’s not ALL, it’s not enough
I am already on the edge
And you don’t want to call my bluff
How did I wind up in this cage
With faceless strangers shushing me?
Telling me how I should feel
And who I am supposed to be
Well I’ve pretended long enough
I can no longer hide my heart
How fast you seem to have forgotten
It’s why you loved me at the start
This is our LIFE, it’s not a game
Time moves to fast, no second chance
My spirit in survival mode
And there will be no backward glance
Now you are with me or against me
This is a battle I wont lose
My sanity is stretching thin
And the time has come to choose
I refuse to be your habit
I will not settle for polite
I want amazement in your eyes
For you to burn, for you to fight
The void
17 Feb 2010 4 Comments
in Poetry Tags: choices, Courage, inner voice, Poetry, Strength, test
At first the fear catches my breath
The emptiness is like a shroud
I feel like nobody could hear me
Because the silence is so loud
Colour ceases to exist
It isn’t black it isn’t white
I can’t tell if I stand in darkness
Or if I’m blinded by the light
But suddenly I realise
That I am safe, that I am free
Of all the fear, of all the pain
The outside world has offered me
I scream my questions to the void
But the reply comes from my heart
“You have the strength, you can’t give up
And you have known that from the start”
Her voice is calm and powerful
Now it brings me to my knees
“I don’t know how to keep on going
Loan me your strength and help me please”
She says “Let go of all that binds you
Follow your heart, it’s who we are
And each and every time you need me
Just reach inside, I won’t be far
Accept sometimes there are no answers
No line between what’s wrong and right
Don’t lose your faith, it’s all we have
How can you win if you won’t fight?”
It washes over me in waves
I know I’ll find the strength…somehow
Although I know I can not stay here
It is my sanctuary for now.
Outsider
04 Jan 2010 1 Comment
in Poetry Tags: choices, Determination, Life, LOVE, Poetry, Strength, test
It must be so easy to inspire
If your whole life is full of light
When you have everything you wished for
And never even had to fight
How can you talk to me of pain?
You’ve only seen from safe outside
How can you understand my tears
If you have never really cried?
There is a place I must get back to
I have to do it on my own
Although your shaddow stands beside me
We both know I am alone
I’m clutching straws, grasping at air
Trying to make it through this maze
But you pretending that you care for me
Only magnifies the haze
I have it all, but I have nothing
And I’m so tired that it aches
In spite of you I have to question
Whether I’ve got what it takes
I was where I was meant to be
How could you make me doubt my heart?
You saw me falling into pieces
Then took a piece to pull apart
But I am stronger than you thought
And I have way too much to lose
The outside may look more inviting
But it offers nothing I can use
Still standing
15 Dec 2009 1 Comment
in Poetry Tags: Courage, honesty, Path, Poetry, Strength
I want to still believe in magic
I want to write of more than pain
I need to know more than this life
With all its levels of insane
This really should have been so simple
But then my world turned upside down
Since then I’ve just been treading water
It would be so easy just to drown
I know I’m stronger than I was
But still so fragile, so unsure
This unknown path is a disease
My mind can’t cope without a cure
I fly, I fall, I ache, I grieve
I lose myself, just for a while
Then realise I am still standing
And through the tears I can still smile
I CAN DO THIS! You don’t believe me?
Then you have no business being here
You will not take my hope, my courage
And make me give into the fear
I can not change what’s been and gone
Though each fall leaves me with a scar
I can’t give up accept defeat
When I’ve already come so far
For now this is all I can do
A selfish quest that is my right
Though I keep plunging into darkness
I will keep reaching for the light
The world still turns
10 Dec 2009 3 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Acceptance, FIGHT, hope, Strength
I can not let this take me under
I must accept what can’t be changed
I found a nightmare in my dreams
But nothing else has rearranged
The world still turns and I’m amazed
It doesn’t end when hope is gone
I still wake up, breathe in and out
The sun still shines and life goes on
It is a curse to own my heart
What I would give to just be numb
Instead the words and feelings rush me
Untill I’m completely overcome
I have to hold on to the thought
It will be worth it at the end
I will be stronger from this fight
And have the time and space to mend
This life is more than overwhelming
Sometimes I just can’t stand my ground
But really what’s the point in screaming
If no one’s there to hear the sound
We have one life, we have to live it
We can’t just let joy pass us by
The climb is tough and high and scary
But we can make it if we try.
