Definitions
19 Jul 2010 3 Comments
in Poetry Tags: friend, Heart, inspiration, Life, loss, LOVE, Path, Selfishness
I guess I always had a feeling
And I accept I share the blame
But I just couldn’t see a world
Without your face, without your name
I know my choice was purely selfish
How could I think that it would last?
I couldn’t see ahead without you
When you’re so entwined in my past
I didn’t want to cause you pain
But I just could not let you go
You were the music to my lyrics
You took my words and made them glow
But we made choices long ago
That we can never turn around
We can’t regret the paths we chose
Or find what chose not to be found
Love can mean so many things
I thought I defined it from the start
You were my friend, my inspiration
But you never owned my heart
Stranger
12 Jul 2010 1 Comment
in Just a thought Tags: choices, Consumed, Path, Spirit, stranger, Strength, Understanding
I thought I knew you.
Now you are a stranger to me…but I’m not sorry.
The echoes are still there, remnants of the broken. The shell of the sunken ship, eaten away, reclaimed by nature, by changing tides. But the strong pieces remained, waiting to be salvaged, to see the sunlight once more.
You frightened me, fascinated me, bewildered me. How could such beauty and such darkness reside together for so long? How did the gypsy end up chained and still survive? How could you live by your heart when it was shattered beyond belief?
I still wonder, but I guess I’ll never really know. Because you don’t know.
Do you hold yourself responsible? Or me? Two sides of the same coin. Was it your choice to let the darkness take you? Or life’s?
What you were and what you wanted to be could not have been more different, but it was your blessing and your curse to be the poet. To feel it, feel it all. Magnified. Multiplied. Searing, pulsing, stabbing, numbing. Dreams, hopes, words, passion.
Two sides of the same coin. It was flipped. And now here I am, on the other side of the mirror. Smiling.
Now you are a stranger to me…but I’m not sorry.
Inside this room
07 Jun 2010 4 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Alone, choices, doubt, dreams, fear, Heart, inner voice, Path, Poetry
Just because you can not grasp it
Doesn’t mean it can’t be real
Despite the bargains that you make
Willing to beg belie and steal
Your narrow-minded observations
Leave a black hole of desire
Your world could fit inside this room
Devoid of heart igniting fire
I’ve learned that love can be enough
That stars can pierce the darkest night
That it can all be worth the wait
When you are finally bathed in light
Don’t live and die here in the dark
Never opening your eyes
Never knowing who you are
Just more untruth behind the lies
Time is too short to take a guess
You see, your heart already knows
And when you trust your true desire
The way ahead just softly glows
Just believe
13 May 2010 5 Comments
in Poetry Tags: choices, Courage, Determination, fear, freedom, hope, journey, Path, Poetry
I feel it building in my heart
And I just can not help but smile
Although I know that hope is dangerous
I think I’ll keep it for a while
Although it’s possible I’ll fall
I can not fight the urge to climb
And make the choice to just believe
A choice I may regret in time
If I always protect my heart
How can it ever really feel?
How would I ever feel alive?
How could I know what’s true and real?
This somehow feels like a beginning
A new unknown and winding road
A way to find my place, my purpose
To use the gifts I was bestowed
I’m apprehensive and I’m scared
I’ve never been good with ‘unknown’
But I look back at where I’ve travelled
And I can see how much I’ve grown
So I take comfort in that fact
And summon all my strength and fear
I have to risk the pain, just jump
Or I’ll always be standing here
Caged
06 May 2010 6 Comments
in Poetry Tags: fear, freedom, light, Longing, LOVE, Path, Poetry
I float between the dreams and nightmares
And I have come to fear the dark
Each battle that I’ve fought and lost
Has etched a deep and painful mark
I’ve learned to live some kind of normal
Although it’s with a fevered mind
I’m so intent to walk this road
But it’s so clear I’m running blind
I’m tired of living under shadow
Being denied what is my right
I want the freedom to be free
To live a life of love and light
I try so hard just to be happy
When I should never have to try
They should have never clipped my wings
Because I was always meant to fly
Eyes wide shut
26 Apr 2010 6 Comments
in Poetry Tags: fear, honesty, Path, Poetry, Truth
I was so certain of my path
I guess that was my first mistake
It seems I can be sure of nothing
Except this dull, deep, hollow ache
I can’t see past a world in ruins
Although I know I should adapt
I try to follow a new road
But somehow always end up trapped
Another day, another hour
Imprisoned by my own desire
Consuming everything I am
An uncontrolled and deadly fire
Why can’t you see this isn’t real?
This bright, polite version of me
When was the last time that you looked?
Are you afraid of what you’ll see?
Nobody seems to understand
That all of this is just a play
An oscar nominee performance
I’ve learned to put on every day
‘Just keep her busy, make her laugh
See then she won’t have time to think…’
About the dreams that turn to nightmares
The floating hope starting to sink
These words can’t be my only refuge
Or they could turn into my grave
The girl with so much heart and fire
You were too uncomfortable to save
Uninvited thoughts
12 Apr 2010 9 Comments
in Poetry Tags: choices, desire, doubt, dreams, honesty, lost, Path, Strength, test
You found your way into my head
Before I knew I’d let you in
I hesitated for a moment
And you were underneath my skin
You read me like an open book
And know exactly what to say
But while I see you in my sleep
You simply smile and walk away
You know me better than I do
But still can’t see what you have done
Somehow you turned into my saviour
The only source of warmth, my sun
I shouldn’t think of you so often
I shouldn’t need to see your face
But you crept into my heart
And somehow found my secret place
Your words breed chaos in my mind
And yet I need them like the air
I could just dive into your thoughts
And spend a lifetime swimming there
You’ve made me question my whole world
You’ve made me doubt all that I know
But your holding me together
So now, how can I let you go?
Incomplete
02 Mar 2010 1 Comment
in Poetry Tags: choices, Courage, Determination, FIGHT, freedom, Heart, hope, inner voice, inspiration, journey, Life, Path
I need to rise above the clouds
I need to see it, breathe it in
I need to feel alive again
Before my soul stretches too thin
This here is not all I can be
My mind, my heart, it aches for more
I refuse to reach the end
And wonder what it all was for
Like it or not, I AM my heart
I can no longer drown it out
But I look at what is past
And everything is lost in doubt
I can not be consumed by pain
I can not settle for this hand
I want to know that it’s ok
To fly not knowing where I’ll land
There is so much left unexplored
I feel so small, so incomplete
I want to change the world, my world
I can not fold, admit defeat
I need to set the dark on fire
To make a change, to be fulfilled
To have a voice, a gift, a reason
To heal, inspire and rebuild
I feel it churning deep inside
Just burning, screaming to be free
Despite the fear, no turning back
It’s time to fly, it’s time to see
Losing faith
09 Feb 2010 2 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Ache, anger, despair, fear, infertility, ivf, loss, Path
How can the grief be so consuming
Until I think I’m going mad?
How can I feel a loss so deep
For something that I never had?
I’m losing faith in my own heart
I’m losing faith in everything
The world feels cold and desolate
Winter that never turns to spring
I can’t remember how I got here
And now I can’t find my way out
All wide-eyed hope, anticipation
Has given way to fear and doubt
I live by what is in my heart
I feel my way through every day
I wasn’t built to take this pain
I can’t just push it all away
And so layer upon layer
It slowly crushes all that’s me
Threatening all that I am
And mocking all I’ll never be
I don’t get where I’m going wrong
I did it all, put up a fight
But the line seems to be crumbling
No longer clear what’s wrong and right
This was not meant to be my path
Now I resent each step I take
Am I being punished for mistakes
That I never meant to make?
A life on hold
21 Jan 2010 2 Comments
in Poetry Tags: choices, Consumed, Path, Poetry, Selfishness
How do I stop my mind from racing?
How do I calm my pulsing veins?
Why try to alter the unchangeable
And pray for sunshine when it rains?
In so few years I’ve lived a lifetime
But I’ve been running standing still
Trying to let my voice be heard
While choking on this bitter pill
I could heal, I could inspire
I could imagine and create
But I have been so long consumed
All other dreams have had to wait
But will I make them wait to long
While I chase whispers in the air?
Will there be room to start again?
Will I have strength enough to care?
Will my summation be these words
That few will read and then forget?
When these years have passed me by
Will I have nothing but regret?
There are no lights, there are no arrows
And so I stumble in the dark
Searching for my gift, my reason
And a way to leave my mark
