Caged
06 May 2010 6 Comments
in Poetry Tags: fear, freedom, light, Longing, LOVE, Path, Poetry
I float between the dreams and nightmares
And I have come to fear the dark
Each battle that I’ve fought and lost
Has etched a deep and painful mark
I’ve learned to live some kind of normal
Although it’s with a fevered mind
I’m so intent to walk this road
But it’s so clear I’m running blind
I’m tired of living under shadow
Being denied what is my right
I want the freedom to be free
To live a life of love and light
I try so hard just to be happy
When I should never have to try
They should have never clipped my wings
Because I was always meant to fly
All I asked
28 Apr 2010 24 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Ache, Alone, Consumed, doubt, fear, Longing, LOVE, Poetry, Strength, test
Please shine a light here in the dark
For I have clearly lost my way
This place is full of hidden shadows
A mind in total disarray
I can’t help feeling pure resentment
For the road that brought me here
I look ahead into the darkness
And my whole body shakes with fear
I can not see another future
Without a cold and stoney heart
Full of bitterness and envy
Placing myself a world apart
I long to sleep, I long to breathe
Without these thoughts, without the ache
Without the effort of pretending
That my whole world is not at stake
How can I learn to live the moment
To make my peace with what I own?
I have so much, I have so many….
Always surrounded, yet alone
I walk the walk, I talk the talk
I give myself, but not my all
I’ve learned to wander here among you
While still surrounded by this wall
I never asked for endless riches
I turned my back on grasping fame
I wanted poetry and love
To share my blood, to share my name
It wears me out
16 Mar 2010 2 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Consumed, desire, despair, dreams, honesty, journey, Life, Longing, LOVE, test
I’m sick of writing with my pain
I’m tired of living with this fear
I can’t believe all my worst nightmares
Sought me out and found me here
I ache to live without the sorrow
Escape the darkness, bathe in light
I want to breathe in without thinking
To walk a path and know it’s right
I need my dreams to captivate me
And my days to follow through
To keep sight of the gifts I own
And not so often think of you
I want to feel some kind of normal
To know a life without this load
To see a future that is written
In caligraphy, not code
I long for some form of control
To have a say in who I’ll be
The choice was stolen from my hand
Without it, how can I be free?
I’m so proficient at pretending
But it takes all the strength I own
Protecting everybody else
Falling apart when I’m alone
I’m upside down and inside out
I am a stranger in my skin
I have to salvage all the pieces
But just don’t know where to begin
I need the world to right itself
The blood is rushing to my head
And I have no desire to drown
In every tear I’ve ever shed
Army of words
17 Nov 2009 4 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Consumed, FIGHT, Longing, mask, Strength
I hover always on the edge
With only words to hold me still
My private army against the sorrow
Ready to aim and fire at will
A way to calm my racing pulse
Convince myself I can survive
A way to show my true identity
Combat the numb, and feel alive
The life I live is feeling shallow
Too many things I have to be
Too many faces to put on
That all just hide the real me
I have a beautiful reality
But can’t help wanting something more
Instead of taking in the view
I am just staring at the door
Sometimes I see it in the dark
I feel its warmth, and I just beam
But then the daylight crashes through
And I realize, its still a dream
The war
20 Oct 2009 2 Comments
in Poetry Tags: anger, Determination, Longing
There is a war raging inside
Makes me so tired, I can’t sleep
Making a hundred whispered promises
That neither side intends to keep
What has this “experience” turned me into?
All the things I used to hate
I feel I’ve already lived a lifetime
But I am only twenty eight
I am longing to be inspired
By something other than this tension
To write of love and exultation
Things I no longer even mention
I AM NOT ASKING FOR THE WORLD!
Well it’s the world to me I guess
You can’t just show me what could be
And then expect me to take less
I didn’t choose for this to happen
But I CAN choose not to take it
Although sometimes painful and unchartered
Our path is only what we make it
Is this the day?
18 Oct 2009 1 Comment
in Poetry Tags: Ache, inspiration, Life, Longing, LOVE
If I could have seen this coming
Would I have walked a different road?
Would I have taken on this burden?
Would I have chose to bear this load?
Every endless day I wonder
Is this the day that I will break?
How much can one heart handle?
How much can one mind take?
I wish I could remember
What it feels like to be whole
To breathe without it aching
To feel a spark within my soul
It’s not supposed to be this hard
There is no part of this that’s fair
I had so many hopes and plans for us
And have so much love to share
I’m so afraid that I’ll become
A bitter, angry, empty shell
That all my love and all my passion
Will be burned up in this hell
I feel I spend my life pretending
That I’m ok, that I can cope
But I don’t know how long I can hide
The fact I am swiftly losing hope
They say it’s just so hard to tell me
That they wish that it was me
But I don’t want or need their pity
I just want for them to see
That there’s a blanket on the world
Which means the sun can’t shine as bright
As each day passes, stars are fading
Leaving a dark and endless night
But I have to keep believing
I can’t give up, despite the pain
But while I’ve been praying for the sunshine
Did I miss dancing in the rain?
