Lost in a dream
12 Aug 2010 5 Comments
in Poetry Tags: dreams, Heart, hope, inspiration, journey, Life, light, Poetry
I have been running for so long
I can’t remember how to stop
I’ve been climbing up for years
And find I’m surprised to reach the top
I ached, I longed to find this gem
And now it sits here in my hand
I was familiar with my grief
But not this dream where I now stand
I am so thankful and so grateful
And yet I feel a little lost
I guess I never quite believed
In case I could not bear the cost
I was so focused on the process
There was so little room for hope
I shut off half of who I was
It was the only way to cope
Now I stand here in the sunlight
And I don’t quite know what to do
I should just breathe in and enjoy it
After all that we’ve been through
But it’s so strange and so surreal
When I’d resigned myself to dark
The only light I thought I knew
A rare and feeble little spark
I’m overwhelmed beyond belief
I’m scared, I’m happy and I’m free
Of all the bitterness and pain
That had so long surrounded me
I’m scared to close my eyes in case
A nightmare takes it all away
The words are bursting in my heart
And yet….I don’t know what to say
Definitions
19 Jul 2010 3 Comments
in Poetry Tags: friend, Heart, inspiration, Life, loss, LOVE, Path, Selfishness
I guess I always had a feeling
And I accept I share the blame
But I just couldn’t see a world
Without your face, without your name
I know my choice was purely selfish
How could I think that it would last?
I couldn’t see ahead without you
When you’re so entwined in my past
I didn’t want to cause you pain
But I just could not let you go
You were the music to my lyrics
You took my words and made them glow
But we made choices long ago
That we can never turn around
We can’t regret the paths we chose
Or find what chose not to be found
Love can mean so many things
I thought I defined it from the start
You were my friend, my inspiration
But you never owned my heart
It wears me out
16 Mar 2010 2 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Consumed, desire, despair, dreams, honesty, journey, Life, Longing, LOVE, test
I’m sick of writing with my pain
I’m tired of living with this fear
I can’t believe all my worst nightmares
Sought me out and found me here
I ache to live without the sorrow
Escape the darkness, bathe in light
I want to breathe in without thinking
To walk a path and know it’s right
I need my dreams to captivate me
And my days to follow through
To keep sight of the gifts I own
And not so often think of you
I want to feel some kind of normal
To know a life without this load
To see a future that is written
In caligraphy, not code
I long for some form of control
To have a say in who I’ll be
The choice was stolen from my hand
Without it, how can I be free?
I’m so proficient at pretending
But it takes all the strength I own
Protecting everybody else
Falling apart when I’m alone
I’m upside down and inside out
I am a stranger in my skin
I have to salvage all the pieces
But just don’t know where to begin
I need the world to right itself
The blood is rushing to my head
And I have no desire to drown
In every tear I’ve ever shed
Incomplete
02 Mar 2010 1 Comment
in Poetry Tags: choices, Courage, Determination, FIGHT, freedom, Heart, hope, inner voice, inspiration, journey, Life, Path
I need to rise above the clouds
I need to see it, breathe it in
I need to feel alive again
Before my soul stretches too thin
This here is not all I can be
My mind, my heart, it aches for more
I refuse to reach the end
And wonder what it all was for
Like it or not, I AM my heart
I can no longer drown it out
But I look at what is past
And everything is lost in doubt
I can not be consumed by pain
I can not settle for this hand
I want to know that it’s ok
To fly not knowing where I’ll land
There is so much left unexplored
I feel so small, so incomplete
I want to change the world, my world
I can not fold, admit defeat
I need to set the dark on fire
To make a change, to be fulfilled
To have a voice, a gift, a reason
To heal, inspire and rebuild
I feel it churning deep inside
Just burning, screaming to be free
Despite the fear, no turning back
It’s time to fly, it’s time to see
Survival mode
23 Feb 2010 1 Comment
in Poetry Tags: choices, desire, Heart, honesty, Life, LOVE, Selfishness, Spirit, Strength, test
Just when I find a little peace
You go and start another war
I look at you start to question
What I’m fighting so hard for?
Please don’t assume I will just settle
If it’s not ALL, it’s not enough
I am already on the edge
And you don’t want to call my bluff
How did I wind up in this cage
With faceless strangers shushing me?
Telling me how I should feel
And who I am supposed to be
Well I’ve pretended long enough
I can no longer hide my heart
How fast you seem to have forgotten
It’s why you loved me at the start
This is our LIFE, it’s not a game
Time moves to fast, no second chance
My spirit in survival mode
And there will be no backward glance
Now you are with me or against me
This is a battle I wont lose
My sanity is stretching thin
And the time has come to choose
I refuse to be your habit
I will not settle for polite
I want amazement in your eyes
For you to burn, for you to fight
Outsider
04 Jan 2010 1 Comment
in Poetry Tags: choices, Determination, Life, LOVE, Poetry, Strength, test
It must be so easy to inspire
If your whole life is full of light
When you have everything you wished for
And never even had to fight
How can you talk to me of pain?
You’ve only seen from safe outside
How can you understand my tears
If you have never really cried?
There is a place I must get back to
I have to do it on my own
Although your shaddow stands beside me
We both know I am alone
I’m clutching straws, grasping at air
Trying to make it through this maze
But you pretending that you care for me
Only magnifies the haze
I have it all, but I have nothing
And I’m so tired that it aches
In spite of you I have to question
Whether I’ve got what it takes
I was where I was meant to be
How could you make me doubt my heart?
You saw me falling into pieces
Then took a piece to pull apart
But I am stronger than you thought
And I have way too much to lose
The outside may look more inviting
But it offers nothing I can use
…..
24 Nov 2009 Leave a Comment
in Quote for the day Tags: hope, inspiration, Life
Imagine every day to be the last of a life surrounded with hopes, cares, anger, and fear. ..
The hours that come unexpectedly will be so much more the grateful
Back to reality
13 Nov 2009 2 Comments
in Poetry Tags: despair, Life, lost, Path
Some days are good, some days are bad
But each day passes just the same
Another day lost in the shadows
Stuck in this nightmare of a game
I can’t see back to where I started
And feel no closer to the end
Every day is just a test
Of how far sanity can bend
I close my eyes, I take a breath
But no matter how hard I can try
I fear this wound runs way too deep
And will just slowly bleed me dry
If this is never meant to happen
Then tell me, what was all this for?
The plans, the dreams, the life I chose
It was all meant for something more
This is me
28 Oct 2009 5 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Heart, inspiration, Life, Path, Spirit, Truth
I wasn’t born to this world knowing
How life would go, who I would be
But moulded by the road I’ve travelled
This is my lifeblood, this is me
My head is always full of words
Sometimes I don’t know where to start
How can I make you understand
This is my spirit, this is my heart
You see, I just need to make it fit
Put all the pieces in their place
To make some sense out of the chaos
Give what I’m fighting for a face
I’ve woken something deep inside
That’s been asleep for far too long
This is what makes me feel alive
So there’s no way it can be wrong
If you don’t comprehend my thoughts
Then that’s alright, be on your way
This is MY story and I intend
To say the things I need to say
Because I didn’t write these words
To hear your opinion of me,
I wrote them down to leave my mark
I wrote them down so I’d be free
Is this the day?
18 Oct 2009 1 Comment
in Poetry Tags: Ache, inspiration, Life, Longing, LOVE
If I could have seen this coming
Would I have walked a different road?
Would I have taken on this burden?
Would I have chose to bear this load?
Every endless day I wonder
Is this the day that I will break?
How much can one heart handle?
How much can one mind take?
I wish I could remember
What it feels like to be whole
To breathe without it aching
To feel a spark within my soul
It’s not supposed to be this hard
There is no part of this that’s fair
I had so many hopes and plans for us
And have so much love to share
I’m so afraid that I’ll become
A bitter, angry, empty shell
That all my love and all my passion
Will be burned up in this hell
I feel I spend my life pretending
That I’m ok, that I can cope
But I don’t know how long I can hide
The fact I am swiftly losing hope
They say it’s just so hard to tell me
That they wish that it was me
But I don’t want or need their pity
I just want for them to see
That there’s a blanket on the world
Which means the sun can’t shine as bright
As each day passes, stars are fading
Leaving a dark and endless night
But I have to keep believing
I can’t give up, despite the pain
But while I’ve been praying for the sunshine
Did I miss dancing in the rain?
