Losing faith
09 Feb 2010 2 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Ache, anger, despair, fear, infertility, ivf, loss, Path
How can the grief be so consuming
Until I think I’m going mad?
How can I feel a loss so deep
For something that I never had?
I’m losing faith in my own heart
I’m losing faith in everything
The world feels cold and desolate
Winter that never turns to spring
I can’t remember how I got here
And now I can’t find my way out
All wide-eyed hope, anticipation
Has given way to fear and doubt
I live by what is in my heart
I feel my way through every day
I wasn’t built to take this pain
I can’t just push it all away
And so layer upon layer
It slowly crushes all that’s me
Threatening all that I am
And mocking all I’ll never be
I don’t get where I’m going wrong
I did it all, put up a fight
But the line seems to be crumbling
No longer clear what’s wrong and right
This was not meant to be my path
Now I resent each step I take
Am I being punished for mistakes
That I never meant to make?
Fly with fear
31 Jan 2010 2 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Consumed, fear, hope, infertility, ivf, test
I fly anew among the clouds
And I am bursting with new hope
I flung myself off of the ledge
Thinking “I don’t need a rope”
This time the wind will hold me up
The light just will not let me fall
I feel inside, this could be it…
But then it may not be at all
If I fall from such a height
Will I crash solid through the ground
And broken, keep falling forever
Never mended, never found
How can I feel the hope inside me
Then get smothered by the dark?
How can I be so saturated
And yet still can strike a spark?
I need to know that this can be
But keep a tight grip on whats real
This is now out of my hands
It will take more than what I feel
I fly, but now I fly with fear
How can I cushion my poor heart?
How can I be ready for the end
If I’m not ready from the start?
