Lost in a dream
12 Aug 2010 5 Comments
in Poetry Tags: dreams, Heart, hope, inspiration, journey, Life, light, Poetry
I have been running for so long
I can’t remember how to stop
I’ve been climbing up for years
And find I’m surprised to reach the top
I ached, I longed to find this gem
And now it sits here in my hand
I was familiar with my grief
But not this dream where I now stand
I am so thankful and so grateful
And yet I feel a little lost
I guess I never quite believed
In case I could not bear the cost
I was so focused on the process
There was so little room for hope
I shut off half of who I was
It was the only way to cope
Now I stand here in the sunlight
And I don’t quite know what to do
I should just breathe in and enjoy it
After all that we’ve been through
But it’s so strange and so surreal
When I’d resigned myself to dark
The only light I thought I knew
A rare and feeble little spark
I’m overwhelmed beyond belief
I’m scared, I’m happy and I’m free
Of all the bitterness and pain
That had so long surrounded me
I’m scared to close my eyes in case
A nightmare takes it all away
The words are bursting in my heart
And yet….I don’t know what to say
My time
28 Jun 2010 3 Comments
in Poetry Tags: dreams, Heart, hope, inspiration, journey, light, LOVE, Poetry, Strength
I spent so long inside this mind
I’m having trouble crawling out
It’s just so strange to not be plagued
By darkened fears and choking doubt
The sun is blazing in the sky now
But I’m still running to get warm
I keep on waiting for the darkness
And can’t help bracing for the storm
No more distractions or illusions
This is my time now, just to be
To get some rest, to find some peace
To stop and breathe, to finally see
I need to let myself be happy
To know it is what I deserve
To cherish each and every moment
Learn not to fear the coming curves
I fought this battle far too long
Although I’m proud to bear these scars
But I’m not sorry that it’s over
To see the black give way to stars
I never truly thought I’d be here
It was a dream I never dared
To let myself really believe in
I was to gun-shy and scared
But here I stand, alive, inspired
So glad that I was proven wrong
A brand new page begging for words
That were inside me all along
Just believe
13 May 2010 5 Comments
in Poetry Tags: choices, Courage, Determination, fear, freedom, hope, journey, Path, Poetry
I feel it building in my heart
And I just can not help but smile
Although I know that hope is dangerous
I think I’ll keep it for a while
Although it’s possible I’ll fall
I can not fight the urge to climb
And make the choice to just believe
A choice I may regret in time
If I always protect my heart
How can it ever really feel?
How would I ever feel alive?
How could I know what’s true and real?
This somehow feels like a beginning
A new unknown and winding road
A way to find my place, my purpose
To use the gifts I was bestowed
I’m apprehensive and I’m scared
I’ve never been good with ‘unknown’
But I look back at where I’ve travelled
And I can see how much I’ve grown
So I take comfort in that fact
And summon all my strength and fear
I have to risk the pain, just jump
Or I’ll always be standing here
Incomplete
02 Mar 2010 1 Comment
in Poetry Tags: choices, Courage, Determination, FIGHT, freedom, Heart, hope, inner voice, inspiration, journey, Life, Path
I need to rise above the clouds
I need to see it, breathe it in
I need to feel alive again
Before my soul stretches too thin
This here is not all I can be
My mind, my heart, it aches for more
I refuse to reach the end
And wonder what it all was for
Like it or not, I AM my heart
I can no longer drown it out
But I look at what is past
And everything is lost in doubt
I can not be consumed by pain
I can not settle for this hand
I want to know that it’s ok
To fly not knowing where I’ll land
There is so much left unexplored
I feel so small, so incomplete
I want to change the world, my world
I can not fold, admit defeat
I need to set the dark on fire
To make a change, to be fulfilled
To have a voice, a gift, a reason
To heal, inspire and rebuild
I feel it churning deep inside
Just burning, screaming to be free
Despite the fear, no turning back
It’s time to fly, it’s time to see
Fly with fear
31 Jan 2010 2 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Consumed, fear, hope, infertility, ivf, test
I fly anew among the clouds
And I am bursting with new hope
I flung myself off of the ledge
Thinking “I don’t need a rope”
This time the wind will hold me up
The light just will not let me fall
I feel inside, this could be it…
But then it may not be at all
If I fall from such a height
Will I crash solid through the ground
And broken, keep falling forever
Never mended, never found
How can I feel the hope inside me
Then get smothered by the dark?
How can I be so saturated
And yet still can strike a spark?
I need to know that this can be
But keep a tight grip on whats real
This is now out of my hands
It will take more than what I feel
I fly, but now I fly with fear
How can I cushion my poor heart?
How can I be ready for the end
If I’m not ready from the start?
New beginning
12 Jan 2010 1 Comment
in Poetry Tags: Family, FIGHT, Heart, hope, LOVE, Path
Starting today a new beginning
I will no longer doubt our strength
To keep us both from going under
I swear I’ll go to any length
I’m sorry that we lost our way
But please believe these words are true
The only family I long for
Is one thats part of me and you
I wasn’t prepared to feel this helpless
For it to ever be this hard
Something that should have been so natural
To leave us torn, stripped bare and scarred
Whatever’s past, I’ve never doubted
The way you’ve loved me from the start
My world just makes no sense without you
You are my home, you are my heart
But this is hard, we’re only human
The world won’t shatter if we shout
We need to stop walking on eggshells
And tell the truth, just let it out
This should have never been our burden
We don’t deserve what we go through
But I will only walk this path
Because I’m walking it with you
The world still turns
10 Dec 2009 3 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Acceptance, FIGHT, hope, Strength
I can not let this take me under
I must accept what can’t be changed
I found a nightmare in my dreams
But nothing else has rearranged
The world still turns and I’m amazed
It doesn’t end when hope is gone
I still wake up, breathe in and out
The sun still shines and life goes on
It is a curse to own my heart
What I would give to just be numb
Instead the words and feelings rush me
Untill I’m completely overcome
I have to hold on to the thought
It will be worth it at the end
I will be stronger from this fight
And have the time and space to mend
This life is more than overwhelming
Sometimes I just can’t stand my ground
But really what’s the point in screaming
If no one’s there to hear the sound
We have one life, we have to live it
We can’t just let joy pass us by
The climb is tough and high and scary
But we can make it if we try.
…..
08 Dec 2009 1 Comment
in Quote for the day Tags: Heart, hope, LOVE
Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it’s what you are expected to give — which is everything.
Waiting
03 Dec 2009 2 Comments
in Poetry Tags: Consumed, hope, lost
I am a slave to my own life
I’ve never felt so far from free
I need to know that this will end
But no one gives a guarantee
Don’t hope too hard, but hope enough
Don’t let them see how scared you feel
Don’t read the signs, don’t trust your dreams
But visualise and make it real
It’s all just cryptic words and riddles
And waiting….ALWAYS WAITING for a call
Do they know this is my world?
Do they understand I’ve risked it all?
I’ve sacrificed all dreams for one
Become a pawn to pay the bill
I tell myself it has to happen…
But who knows if it ever will
I say the words but you don’t see
How hard it is to stay afloat
So I just sit here, silent, smiling
With a scream stuck in my throat
…..
28 Nov 2009 2 Comments
in Quote for the day Tags: Courage, hope, Strength
“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”
